When I was a little child my sisters told me that I was adopted and that this is why my parents did not love me. It, of course was not true, but I was too young to realize this and too naive to think that anyone would be so cruel as to make up such a thing just to hurt me and make me feel unloved. I believed it until I found the courage to ask my mother about my adoption.
There are many times, since then, that my sisters had tried to convince me that my father or my mother, or my other siblings, did not love me or even like me. It was not just in my childhood. Another example of this was when I was in the hospital undergoing a scary surgery on my spine in 1986. None of my family members came to visit me while I was in the hospital. And the only phone call I got was from my oldest sister who called to say, "Dad knows you’re in the hospital and he went to Pennsylvania instead of going to see you. That should tell you how much he loves you." I cried a lot after that. I did feel unloved, because nobody had come to visit me or even call me to see how the surgery went...etc. I was not aware of my sister’s manipulations in the family. I now have no doubt that my sisters manipulated people into not coming to see me or saw to it that they did not even know i was in the hospital.
My sisters have done these sort of things to other people as well, especially my father. In the 2002/2003 winter; after accessing my email account they sent emails that said things against my father...etc. This hurt him horribly! I will never forget the pain I heard in his voice when he blasted me for what my sister's had done to us. There were other aims in the fabricated email scam, but one was definitely to make my father feel like I did not love him and was just after his money... and all of it hurt both of us indescribably. It was to sabotage our relationship and it worked VERY well, especially since it happened shortly after my youngest brother's death - at a time when my father had already been in a state of emotional turmoil. I was never able to convince my father that I did not write those emails. And, my heart cried hard for him at that time. What they did to him with my email account was so horribly cruel that it soars beyond proper description. It was devastating for both my father and I.
Subtle Forms of Sabotage;
Subtle forms of Emotional Abuse can actually have a worse impact than obvious forms. We can more easily blow off someone angrily degrading us, because our defenses go up in the face of obvious attacks. But calm and subtle manipulative attacks tend to cut much deeper, because they hit us when our guards are down and we do not even realize that we are being manipulated. Subtle manipulative emotional abuse can be far more hurtful than blatantly obvious abuse, and it can be devastatingly harmful when the aim is to sabotage relationships, especially those between parents and children. Below are a couple examples of this.
The following statement was the first part of a message sent to my younger brother, whom I will refer to as M here. (It was also sent to me in an attempt to turn me against this brother.) "[M], I must tell you that Dad cried his heart out after he got off the phone from you, because he saw right through it and he saw exactly who and what you are. And it broke his heart..." In this case this statement was a manipulative attempt to sabotage the relationship between my father and younger brother, which my sisters have been on a rampage of doing to all of my father's relationships with his other children.
This statement is the equivalent of saying "You are a rotten person and your father thinks you are a rotten person and you are so horrible that it broke his heart and he told me what he thinks of you." And the normal effect of this type of statement would be for the recipient to feel both guilty and hurt and betrayed by his father; hurt because his own father thinks so badly of him, and betrayed because it implies that his father was degrading him with our sister, instead of talking directly to him about a problem between them.
Another statement was, "I can assure you what Grampy has said to me over the past couple of months since he has been here in Ohio shows me how much you both have HURT him." This was written in an email to my older brother and I as my sister and her daughter attacked us and aimed to manipulate us out of our elderly father's life, in order to keep him isolated in Ohio. It is most likely a total fabrication. Its aim was surely to make my brother and I feel betrayed by our father, which has been an issue due to my father's inability to see my sister's manipulations at least enough to not think badly of us and not join them against us. And this issue exists due our sisters betraying our father's confidences (or fabricating things), in order to cause trouble between our father and us.
The sad part of this is that my father HAS been severely hurt by things that my sisters repeat or fabricate, in order to turn him against the rest of his siblings and things my sisters repeat or fabricate, in order to turn the rest of us against our father. He is a victim of SEVERE levels of Emotional Abuse. And I feel 100% certain that the vast majority of my father's hurt is due to what he has heard from my sisters and their children and NOT due to his own direct experiences with the rest of us. The amount of abusive statements, fabricated by my sisters, which made my father feel unloved and betrayed by his other children, is probably astronomical. In my father and I's relationship its been HUGE and devastating for BOTH of us. And this appears to have happened in other parts of the family as well, especially since our father gained a lot of money from land sales, and especially in the past few years as he reached a vulnerable old age.
It took me a long time to start realizing the scope of my sister's manipulations and their cruel intentions. People, who are kind and direct and honest have a hard time understanding subtle manipulative abuse as well as sly manipulations. I know I have. I foolishly believed a LOT of what they said. Sadly, many victims of this sort of abuse probably believe, and some probably even negatively react to, things that the abusers say, because its hard to even fathom anyone performing such deceitful manipulations or having such cruel intentions. Its a good thing I am the type of person who has most often just silently walked away feeling hurt. I feel for the victims who angrily strike out, because this just gives the abusers reason to make the victim look like the bad guy and make themselves look like the good ones. I have witnessed this happening to some victims. If D says something about what B feels or says, it is wise to calmly ask B about it instead of blindly believing it and reacting to it. And if its true, ask yourself if it was repeated, in order to help the situation or to cause problems. The answer is usually evident.
With subtle manipulative Emotional Abuse we often do not realize what is being done to us and our relationships until it is too late or until some kind and aware person points it out to us. And even then it can be difficult to face, especially when the abuse is being done by loved ones. But it must be faced and stopped, in order for healing can take place for everyone involved.
There should be laws against this sort of abuse, because it hurts people even more than physical abuse. Feeling loved by loved ones is a human need and its utterly cruel to take it away. This form of emotional abuse can actually be devastating to children who need to feel loved and nurtured, in order to grow into healthy and whole human beings. But it can also be devastating to adults. Even as adults we need to feel loved by our loved ones, especially our parents.
This is not nearly all that has happened in my situation. My two older sister's aims to make the rest of us siblings feel unloved and betrayed by our parents and make our parents feel unloved and betrayed by us has been a life long chain of abuse that has been done both subtly and directly to all of the rest of us. And my second oldest sister's children have joined in on the sabotaging of our father's relationships with my brothers and my father's relationship with me since May of 2022. They now have our father isolated in Ohio and I heard they are selling his New Hampshire home. Greed is one of their motivators, but the long standing sadistic intentional infliction of emotional pain appears to still be an aim as well. I have witnessed one of my sisters finding joy in hurting us. With them, its not just angry lashing out; its premeditated aims to inflict emotional pain and destroy relationships, even at times when there are no disputes. In 2003, I was completely blindsided by the emails thing. I thought everything was going well. But it proved not to be inside my sisters and their children.
This statement is the equivalent of saying "You are a rotten person and your father thinks you are a rotten person and you are so horrible that it broke his heart and he told me what he thinks of you." And the normal effect of this type of statement would be for the recipient to feel both guilty and hurt and betrayed by his father; hurt because his own father thinks so badly of him, and betrayed because it implies that his father was degrading him with our sister, instead of talking directly to him about a problem between them.
Another statement was, "I can assure you what Grampy has said to me over the past couple of months since he has been here in Ohio shows me how much you both have HURT him." This was written in an email to my older brother and I as my sister and her daughter attacked us and aimed to manipulate us out of our elderly father's life, in order to keep him isolated in Ohio. It is most likely a total fabrication. Its aim was surely to make my brother and I feel betrayed by our father, which has been an issue due to my father's inability to see my sister's manipulations at least enough to not think badly of us and not join them against us. And this issue exists due our sisters betraying our father's confidences (or fabricating things), in order to cause trouble between our father and us.
The sad part of this is that my father HAS been severely hurt by things that my sisters repeat or fabricate, in order to turn him against the rest of his siblings and things my sisters repeat or fabricate, in order to turn the rest of us against our father. He is a victim of SEVERE levels of Emotional Abuse. And I feel 100% certain that the vast majority of my father's hurt is due to what he has heard from my sisters and their children and NOT due to his own direct experiences with the rest of us. The amount of abusive statements, fabricated by my sisters, which made my father feel unloved and betrayed by his other children, is probably astronomical. In my father and I's relationship its been HUGE and devastating for BOTH of us. And this appears to have happened in other parts of the family as well, especially since our father gained a lot of money from land sales, and especially in the past few years as he reached a vulnerable old age.
It took me a long time to start realizing the scope of my sister's manipulations and their cruel intentions. People, who are kind and direct and honest have a hard time understanding subtle manipulative abuse as well as sly manipulations. I know I have. I foolishly believed a LOT of what they said. Sadly, many victims of this sort of abuse probably believe, and some probably even negatively react to, things that the abusers say, because its hard to even fathom anyone performing such deceitful manipulations or having such cruel intentions. Its a good thing I am the type of person who has most often just silently walked away feeling hurt. I feel for the victims who angrily strike out, because this just gives the abusers reason to make the victim look like the bad guy and make themselves look like the good ones. I have witnessed this happening to some victims. If D says something about what B feels or says, it is wise to calmly ask B about it instead of blindly believing it and reacting to it. And if its true, ask yourself if it was repeated, in order to help the situation or to cause problems. The answer is usually evident.
With subtle manipulative Emotional Abuse we often do not realize what is being done to us and our relationships until it is too late or until some kind and aware person points it out to us. And even then it can be difficult to face, especially when the abuse is being done by loved ones. But it must be faced and stopped, in order for healing can take place for everyone involved.
There should be laws against this sort of abuse, because it hurts people even more than physical abuse. Feeling loved by loved ones is a human need and its utterly cruel to take it away. This form of emotional abuse can actually be devastating to children who need to feel loved and nurtured, in order to grow into healthy and whole human beings. But it can also be devastating to adults. Even as adults we need to feel loved by our loved ones, especially our parents.
This is not nearly all that has happened in my situation. My two older sister's aims to make the rest of us siblings feel unloved and betrayed by our parents and make our parents feel unloved and betrayed by us has been a life long chain of abuse that has been done both subtly and directly to all of the rest of us. And my second oldest sister's children have joined in on the sabotaging of our father's relationships with my brothers and my father's relationship with me since May of 2022. They now have our father isolated in Ohio and I heard they are selling his New Hampshire home. Greed is one of their motivators, but the long standing sadistic intentional infliction of emotional pain appears to still be an aim as well. I have witnessed one of my sisters finding joy in hurting us. With them, its not just angry lashing out; its premeditated aims to inflict emotional pain and destroy relationships, even at times when there are no disputes. In 2003, I was completely blindsided by the emails thing. I thought everything was going well. But it proved not to be inside my sisters and their children.
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