I am sharing the following general advice, BUT every situation is different and I expect you to follow only your own heart, because you know best, what is best for you in your situation. Do whatever it is that you feel you need to do, in order to create safe and healthy environments for yourself, at home, at work...etc.
1. In places that have no laws against Emotional Abuse; you can help create new laws, so that severe abusers can be stopped from continuing to hurt people.
2. If you are in an extremely abusive situation, where the abuser is apt to get physically abusive or to severely vamp up emotional and/or mental abuse, if you dare say anything to them about it; I suggest that you leave the situation; seek safety and report the abuse to officials.
3. If your abuser is not too severely abusive to talk to; sit down and have a heart to heart talk with them; tell them that you feel hurt by their behaviors and explain what the behaviors are. If they care about your feelings and are willing to look at and alter their hurtful behaviors, you can both work at creating a healthier environment. BUT, if they do not care about your feelings and are not willing to look at and alter their hurtful behaviors, and especially if they blame you for them; you should think about leaving and let them know that the relationship is not working for you if it continues this way. If they still do not care, you should leave the relationship or distance yourself from it as much as is possible.
In family situations; sometimes, a temporary separation (after you let them know how you feel and what changes you need) will help you to regain strength and also help the abusers to think about the effects of their behaviors. Sometimes just distancing yourself will help (like moving to a far away place), but sometimes there can be no healthy in-between and its either stay and be hurt or leave and be free of the abuse. The choice is yours to make, but remember that you, like EVERYONE else, deserve to be treated with kindness and consideration for your feelings.
Standing up for ourselves is an important step in the process of pulling in our own power and protecting ourselves from further harm. It’s also an important step for the sake of the abusers, because it offers them an opportunity to look at their own behaviors and make positive changes. Not all abusers are aware of what they are doing; sometimes it’s just a careless habit that is passed down from previous generations and there is not enough awareness of how hurtful it is.
STAND UP with strength. STAND UP with TRUTH on your side. STAND UP with your heart – with consideration for the abusers. STAND UP and tell people how hurt you feel and that you want to stop being hurt and that you need more consideration for your feelings. STAND UP for yourself and other victims.
Dealing with Emotionally Abusive family members is a LOT harder than if it is other people who are easy to leave and stay away from. And being abused by a loved one is a lot more painful than being abused by other people. It can be very painful to leave loved ones, but it can be more painful, and also damaging, to stay with them. Only you can decide which route is best for you in your situation. I recommend doing everything you can to make things better, so that you do not have to fully leave.
In my situation, which is a bit like a Cinderella story, things got worse instead of better, no matter how hard I tried to make them better. I left home when I was fifteen years old, in order to distance myself from the abuse. In the beginning of my adult life; I strove to stay away from my two extremely abusive older sisters, especially when they were together and fueling each other's jealous hate of me. I only had to tolerate it at family gatherings, at this point. And at those family gatherings I'd avoid them as much as possible; I would often hide in the kitchen doing dishes or try to get my brothers to play volleyball - anything to not be in the vicinity of my sisters after the meal was over and they were sitting around drinking and griping. But eventually their abuse, and their habit of manipulating the rest of the family against me, got worse and forced me to stay away from my whole family. This loss was very painful for me and still is, because I love them, even though I cannot stand their behaviors, and I wish so much that my family could have been a kind and caring and healthy place for me. But it never was and still isn't. I've periodically dipped in to check if there have been positive changes, but there hasn't been. In fact, its gotten worse due the success of the abuse, which has hurt more than just me. :-(
No matter what your situation is, remember that…
Publicly Standing up Against Emotional Abuse
I think that it is probably best to handle most situations privately. But, due to the severity of my situation, I chose to publicly stand up, although my sisters have been literally threatening me into silence. One of them has threatened a "lawsuit.” One has threatened to press charges in a pretense that I am "slandering" them. One has threatened to tell people that I am "insane." One has even told me that I will not be allowed to communicate with my elderly and ill father if I do not lapse back into silence about their abuse of our father...etc. But I refuse to be silent, because I know I'm not the one who is doing wrong, because I was silent for far too long, because Emotional Abuse has hurt a LOT of people in my situation, and because humanity needs more experienced people standing up for the victims of Emotional Abuse.
Severe abusers sometimes dishonestly portray their victims, who openly stand up to expose the abuse, as being the ones who are doing the abusing in their stand up. (This happened to me when I privately stood up inside of my own family, because my sisters claimed that I was the one who was making up things against them.)
Severe abusers also sometimes project their own hateful behaviors onto their victims. (One of my sisters does this to a massive degree. If she does something she tells people that I did it. And she pretend to be like me and pretends that I am like her.) In some situations, it seems like we are damned if we do say something and we are damned if we don't say anything. But we should not let this keep us silent. No matter what they do or say; it is not wrong to stand up and expose the abuse and let people know how much it is hurting us. In fact, more of this is needed in our world.
The following song is my power song as I defy the rules and stand up against the abuse. Literally every word of this song fits this part of my situation perfectly. "I won't stop until we're free..."
Standing up for ourselves is an important step in the process of pulling in our own power and protecting ourselves from further harm. It’s also an important step for the sake of the abusers, because it offers them an opportunity to look at their own behaviors and make positive changes. Not all abusers are aware of what they are doing; sometimes it’s just a careless habit that is passed down from previous generations and there is not enough awareness of how hurtful it is.
STAND UP with strength. STAND UP with TRUTH on your side. STAND UP with your heart – with consideration for the abusers. STAND UP and tell people how hurt you feel and that you want to stop being hurt and that you need more consideration for your feelings. STAND UP for yourself and other victims.
Dealing with Emotionally Abusive family members is a LOT harder than if it is other people who are easy to leave and stay away from. And being abused by a loved one is a lot more painful than being abused by other people. It can be very painful to leave loved ones, but it can be more painful, and also damaging, to stay with them. Only you can decide which route is best for you in your situation. I recommend doing everything you can to make things better, so that you do not have to fully leave.
In my situation, which is a bit like a Cinderella story, things got worse instead of better, no matter how hard I tried to make them better. I left home when I was fifteen years old, in order to distance myself from the abuse. In the beginning of my adult life; I strove to stay away from my two extremely abusive older sisters, especially when they were together and fueling each other's jealous hate of me. I only had to tolerate it at family gatherings, at this point. And at those family gatherings I'd avoid them as much as possible; I would often hide in the kitchen doing dishes or try to get my brothers to play volleyball - anything to not be in the vicinity of my sisters after the meal was over and they were sitting around drinking and griping. But eventually their abuse, and their habit of manipulating the rest of the family against me, got worse and forced me to stay away from my whole family. This loss was very painful for me and still is, because I love them, even though I cannot stand their behaviors, and I wish so much that my family could have been a kind and caring and healthy place for me. But it never was and still isn't. I've periodically dipped in to check if there have been positive changes, but there hasn't been. In fact, its gotten worse due the success of the abuse, which has hurt more than just me. :-(
No matter what your situation is, remember that…
YOU DESERVE TO BE LOVED AND TREATED WITH
KINDNESS AND CONSIDERATION FOR YOUR FEELINGS.
KINDNESS AND CONSIDERATION FOR YOUR FEELINGS.
Publicly Standing up Against Emotional Abuse
I think that it is probably best to handle most situations privately. But, due to the severity of my situation, I chose to publicly stand up, although my sisters have been literally threatening me into silence. One of them has threatened a "lawsuit.” One has threatened to press charges in a pretense that I am "slandering" them. One has threatened to tell people that I am "insane." One has even told me that I will not be allowed to communicate with my elderly and ill father if I do not lapse back into silence about their abuse of our father...etc. But I refuse to be silent, because I know I'm not the one who is doing wrong, because I was silent for far too long, because Emotional Abuse has hurt a LOT of people in my situation, and because humanity needs more experienced people standing up for the victims of Emotional Abuse.
Severe abusers sometimes dishonestly portray their victims, who openly stand up to expose the abuse, as being the ones who are doing the abusing in their stand up. (This happened to me when I privately stood up inside of my own family, because my sisters claimed that I was the one who was making up things against them.)
Severe abusers also sometimes project their own hateful behaviors onto their victims. (One of my sisters does this to a massive degree. If she does something she tells people that I did it. And she pretend to be like me and pretends that I am like her.) In some situations, it seems like we are damned if we do say something and we are damned if we don't say anything. But we should not let this keep us silent. No matter what they do or say; it is not wrong to stand up and expose the abuse and let people know how much it is hurting us. In fact, more of this is needed in our world.
The following song is my power song as I defy the rules and stand up against the abuse. Literally every word of this song fits this part of my situation perfectly. "I won't stop until we're free..."
Wild Hearts Can't Be Broken, by Alecia Moore and Mike Busbee. Sung by Pink
https://youtu.be/OL4LNg-iyY4
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