TWO WRONGS NEVER MADE A RIGHT.
I speak with the wisdom of experience here. I struck back once and have felt guilty about it ever since... I had been being relentlessly teased for being thin and small chested in my early teens. I had two older sisters who were hatefully jealous of me and would pick at and exploit every flaw I had. My second oldest sister had a friend that she used to harass me with in the hallways of the school we attended; I'd often walk out of my 9th grade classroom to find them both standing there laughing and loudly singing, "Flattsies, flattsies, she's flat and that's that." I'm sure you can all imagine how shaming and hurtful this was to me as a young teenager in a crowded school hallway, especially since I was shy and it brought everyone’s eyes to my chest.
The degradation of my body continued into my late teens as well, literally everywhere I went with them. One time my oldest sister yelled over the heads of about a dozen people at a family gathering, "Hey Sharon, are you wearing a padded bra?" They knew how to shame me in public and did it every chance they got. I was not a fighter and I usually walked away with either a red face or with tears streaming down my cheeks.
But one time I shocked myself by fighting back. I was 18 years old and was in a restaurant with both of my sisters, and the same friend who used to sing in the hallways. My second oldest sister or her friend made a comment about how low cut my oldest sister's sweater was and my oldest sister started bragging about her cleavage, glancing at me and sarcastically saying something like, "I know SOME of us don't have it, but if we have cleavage we should flaunt it." Then all three of them started their usual looking at each other and snickering - unable to stop laughing at my expense. We ALL knew that her usual covert "SOME of us" was me, because it had been done a LOT. And we were ALL shocked when I suddenly looked at my oldest sister and said, "well, when your fat everywhere else, you can't help but to be fat there too." Then I got up and went into the bathroom.
My second oldest sister ran into the bathroom a couple minutes later. She was roaring with laughter and exclaimed, "I can't believe YOU said that!" She loved the fight and was all excited about me unexpectedly fighting back. I was mortified. It’s not the type of thing I'd ever done before and it’s not something I ever want to do again. My older sister left before I returned from the bathroom and I knew FAR too well how she must have felt - probably just as embarrassed and hurt as I felt every time they publicly degraded my body, either directly or covertly like was done in that restaurant.
What I said was abusive and wrong, no matter how mean they had been to me. My sisters never again teased me about being skinny and small chested, though. And I have tried to justify my abusive statement by thinking that sometimes it takes just one blow back to stop the abuse. But I have never been able to justify it in my own heart, because it was not the right way to end that part of the abuse. I am ashamed of stooping to their level, even though most people would not blame me for doing so, that one time, after all the horrid abuse I silently took from them throughout ALL of my fragile teen years, and more. That episode of fighting back still feels so wrong to me, because it WAS wrong. I wish I could take it back, but I can't.
The degradation of my body continued into my late teens as well, literally everywhere I went with them. One time my oldest sister yelled over the heads of about a dozen people at a family gathering, "Hey Sharon, are you wearing a padded bra?" They knew how to shame me in public and did it every chance they got. I was not a fighter and I usually walked away with either a red face or with tears streaming down my cheeks.
But one time I shocked myself by fighting back. I was 18 years old and was in a restaurant with both of my sisters, and the same friend who used to sing in the hallways. My second oldest sister or her friend made a comment about how low cut my oldest sister's sweater was and my oldest sister started bragging about her cleavage, glancing at me and sarcastically saying something like, "I know SOME of us don't have it, but if we have cleavage we should flaunt it." Then all three of them started their usual looking at each other and snickering - unable to stop laughing at my expense. We ALL knew that her usual covert "SOME of us" was me, because it had been done a LOT. And we were ALL shocked when I suddenly looked at my oldest sister and said, "well, when your fat everywhere else, you can't help but to be fat there too." Then I got up and went into the bathroom.
My second oldest sister ran into the bathroom a couple minutes later. She was roaring with laughter and exclaimed, "I can't believe YOU said that!" She loved the fight and was all excited about me unexpectedly fighting back. I was mortified. It’s not the type of thing I'd ever done before and it’s not something I ever want to do again. My older sister left before I returned from the bathroom and I knew FAR too well how she must have felt - probably just as embarrassed and hurt as I felt every time they publicly degraded my body, either directly or covertly like was done in that restaurant.
What I said was abusive and wrong, no matter how mean they had been to me. My sisters never again teased me about being skinny and small chested, though. And I have tried to justify my abusive statement by thinking that sometimes it takes just one blow back to stop the abuse. But I have never been able to justify it in my own heart, because it was not the right way to end that part of the abuse. I am ashamed of stooping to their level, even though most people would not blame me for doing so, that one time, after all the horrid abuse I silently took from them throughout ALL of my fragile teen years, and more. That episode of fighting back still feels so wrong to me, because it WAS wrong. I wish I could take it back, but I can't.
WHEN THE VICTIMS BECOME THE ABUSERS IT COMPOUNDS THEIR
PAIN WITH SHAME AND GUILT. VENGEANCE IS NOT THE WAY TO GO.
Seek Peaceful Safety Instead of Vengeance.
There is no valid excuse for abuse. Perhaps more laws will soon be made and used to help stop Emotional abuse from hurting so many people. Then, reporting the abusers will be the best way to stop the abuse from continuing.
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